Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Saints behold

After returning from a ride I noticed a couple of blokes moseying on up to the door with bikes by their side. As I was not expecting company because I never expect company and company never comes I figured they were selling something and I pondered not answering the door but my curiosity got the best of me.

Turns out there were selling saving. Specifically they seemed real intent on selling me the way to saving my lost soul. Now my soul has been lost a good long while and I wasn't sure a couple of young men rolling about on fixies were going to be much help. But being a nice guy, and it being kinda muggy out, I did ask them if they needed some water or something.

So I got them a couple of glasses of ice water and they were real nice blokes and they seemed intent on me listening to their pitch. Problem is I've heard the pitch. My sister is a Mormon and these were good Mormon lads out doing their soul saving best. So I politely told them that I was well aware of the offerings but there would be no saving today.  I was however curious how they came to be on fixies and turns out the church furnishes them for the lads. That's kinda clever of the church. If you're going to send them out into the day trying to convince people to throw away all logic and reason at least have them do it on something that will keep them ever so close to their maker. Take away the brakes and send them on their way. If that don't put the fear of God in ya nothing will.

There's even a place that sells bikes just for these blokes. "Helping you carry the message". Catchy.

The Mormons have this belief that when someone dies you can still save their damned soul by baptising them in the church. My sister once asked me if she could do that when I'm dead and gone. Well sure. I may be all skeptical and stuff but there's always the chance I'm wrong and she's telling me, no worries, she'll take care of it. All I gotta do is die. Since I'm gonna die anyway, what the hell. In fact if anyone knows of any other religions out there that offer a similar service let me know. I can go about living my hedonistic life and still cover all the eternal salvation bases. This is all upside. Yep, sign me up for all of them.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Not so fast there pardner...

Getting old sucks. It seriously sucks.

After a few months of taking care of a shoulder problem I finally get back in the saddle... for about 8 days. Then shoulder problem returns. Now once again I'm off and pedaling with hopes of making it at least through the spring.

Which of course finds me on my favorite trail to hate, the Capital Crescent one. There's always something to make a cranky person crankier on the CCT. The endless number of bikers that whiz by with no warning. The CAT 0's who bomb the middle. The runners doing u turns without even thinking that someone may be behind them. But today was a new one.

I'm coming from Bethesda home to DC and I pass a teenage girl. Within 30 yards theres a bunch of walkers coming both ways. I slow and wait for the opening, move out to pass the walkers and head back over to the right when I almost collide with teenage girl. Apparently that whole slowing thing didn't sit well with her so she passed the walkers on the right in the dirt while I was passing on the left.

Soon enough I've slowed for walkers again and this time I watch as she bombs them on the right again. One of the walkers was so alarmed she actually let out a bit of a screech.

Well, her being a teenage girl and me being all manly I soon pass her again and mention that that was pretty rude of her. She, being a teenage girl, tells me where to put it.

God how I've missed this.