Monday, September 27, 2010

When not to ride your bike

I had this little cyst on my back that turned into the world's largest and most painful boil of all time, like in ever.  So I went to the dermatologist today. It's about 80 degrees but raining so I'll just wear my rain jacket on top and my Keen's below and change when I get there.

She's a nice lady and says that she's going to inject a little something to numb it before she pulls out the knife.
So she does and all is going along swimmingly for maybe 45 seconds when the numbness seems to have ran it's course. I don't mention this to her, me being all manly and all, as she continues to dig deeply and I figure how long can this take anyway - like 3 minutes tops? So I grit my teeth and soon enough it's all in the past. I'm sweating like crazy but I made it with no worries.

She then tells me that it was fairly nasty and it will ooze for about a week and that I need to go get me some mini tampons to tape on it to soak it up. Wait a second here, confound it, what did you say? Tampon? Yes, apparently they do this soaking up thing quite well and when one has scheduled themselves a week of oozing it's the only way to go.

If I had known about this I would not have done my John Wayne-bite the bullet-tough guy thing and just cried like a girl and been done with it. I was in such a state that I forgot to find out what kind to get. Do I go with scented? Pad? Is any specific color better for absorbing ooze?

She then told me that tomorrow before I shower I'm to take off the bandage then pop in the shower, pull the string that's inside me (string? what string?) which is soaking everything up and will apparently start a major ooze of it's own when pulled. After I shower I'm to start with the tampon system of soaking.  And I'm not to shower at all today.

Not shower all day? So I'm all grimy from the ride in, I sweated profusely during the digging and scraping and now I'm going to ride home collecting more grime and sweat and road ick and I can't shower until tomorrow? By tomorrow I'm going to smell like a small town on the Cuyahoga.

No, the dreaded car would have been the better choice today.

Update: the week passed and the tampons worked as advertised. No lasting harm but I did find that I felt vulnerable and emotional all week... and chatty... still, all is well.
I keep wondering though why all of my clothes seem to make me look fat.

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